Sunday, February 20, 2011

Pleurisy Lasts How Long

Visiting Friendship as a compromise. Can I get in a fight?

14.12.2010 What happens to us when we "fight" with a friend? All sorts of emotions that we close the future is likely to trigger "something happened" and did not want to happen. Can you "return" to be friends after a fight? Common sense would answer right away: it depends on the seriousness of the fight, depends on what has happened.
And here is where the Ontological Coaching can make so that we can distinguish "what we see" and thus be able to rebuild relationships, the foundation of our development as human beings, as we are beings who are constituted as another, or That is, we are who we are in our relationship with others.
Cartesian Our culture makes us live the illusion that what we judge what happened is what happened, leaving us blind to "what happened" is a construction of a fact (what my friend did or did not do what he said or not said) plus our own judgments about what happened (that is, our interpretation). The fact is unchangeable, however our judgments speak of the observer that we are at the time of occurrence of the event. Blindness is to confuse our opinions with facts, thus closing the possibility of "back to being friends."
Let's take an example: "I am angry with Mary, never called me when I needed it, it shows that not interested as a friend, does not care, I do not want. "The fact is" not called "all others are interpretations that are joining in a ladder of inference that trigger emotions of anger, sadness, resentment, among others, accelerating the downward spiral in the construction of a friendship.


If we can take care of our interpretations to an event, we can now extend to the other person what happened to us before that action and thus request the other to consider it. In Mary's example, did you considered what could have happened for him not to call? "Where's the commitment? In seeking the causes of anger or to sustain the friendship?
When we say that we fought with someone, what are we watching? Do our own judgments about what happened or commitment to a future where both are still friends? If we can distinguish this change our view, focusing on design discussions are required to honor our commitment to friendship.


few years ago, having being separated from my wife, our "fight" as a couple that we were no longer was interfering in our relationship with our daughters, and without realizing they were being "put in the middle." Being able to distinguish this, thanks to the learning process which provided coaching, we always declare partners in the education of our children, and from this commitment: take care that our interpretations to different circumstances of those who spoke only were we, with our agreements and differences. We decided, given the stated commitment to preserve and build our relationship as parents and from there, we focus on what united us rather than what separated us.


What are you willing to do to get those friends who are separated by your own interpretations of "what happened?


By Daniel Rosales. ELAC Director of the Latin American School of Coaching

















Posted by admin at 9:12 PM

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